If anyone has seen

or knows the whereabouts of my socks, I’d like then back please.

NOW!

Seriously though, what the shitting hell is it about socks that make them vanish at such an incredibly advanced rate? I wear one pair every day pretty much, but the length of time between “necessity washes” (i.e. that point where you run out of socks and therefore have to do a washing as a matter of necessity in order to obtain clean socks) seems to be ever decreasing. And to highlight the issue, I used to be able to amass two machine loads of clothes before I really needed to put a wash on, now I struggle to find enough dirty clothes to actually fill up a necessity wash. Something is a foot (lol at unintended pun )

I can think of only the following explanations:

1. There is a Sock Pixie/Gnome/Elf/Poltergeist/other-until-now-believed-to-be-fictional-entity who steals socks, possibly for the purposes of nourishment, nest building, or for illegal sale to hobos for drug alcohol tea money.
2. Socks are pre-programmed to self destruct after a certain number of washes to ensure the survival and/or acceleration of the sock trade.
3. Someone in my house is deliberately stealing or hiding my socks either for their own personal use (hopefully as socks and not for some other nefarious purpose) or entertainment (via my frustrated search for said under-shoe garment).
4. Washing machines are indeed a portal to Narnia as depicted in Family Guy and Mr. Tumnus is in fact a sock stealing "’goat-basted’.
5. I just lose socks

Now I don’t see 5 as a possibility, because there’s nowhere for the fuckers to go, which implicates 1 through 4.

I’ve got my money on the goat-basted.

freedoms_stain, probably going to spent another £15 on socks tomorrow, out.